Deep darkness is weighing everything down. It’s a weeknight, past midnight. The cold wind whistles as it passes my ears, and the drizzle has left my soaked shirt heavy on my shoulders. Damp pants and cold feet make walking difficult. This street is deserted, but I already knew it would be. Every now and then a car will pass me by, slowly, on the left or right. The light drizzle is only visible when looking up at the humming orange street lights. I’ve been walking for about an hour now. I am walking down the center of the street, and have been since I left the hotel room. No idea where I’m going, but then that’s been the case all my life. This must be a nice area in the day, there are hardly any cars parked on this tree lined street. The houses are mostly hidden behind meticulously maintained shrubbery that says look but don’t cross. No lonely or angry dogs barking. The night looks intently at me, reads me. Horny crickets are calling out for a mate somewhere to the left. I don’t think I’m mad anymore, don’t feel anything. Yet I dread going back where I came from. Fear of ending up where I started. A block ahead a truck pulls into this street. The truck is rolling down the middle, not very fast. It gets illuminated for a second as it passes underneath a streetlight, then its dark body blends into the darkness except for those pale eyes, then it’s lit up again. It appears to be some sort of delivery truck. The overhead cabin light comes on. The lit up driver is looking down. Maybe a map? He looks up for instants of time, but mostly to the sides. Maybe he is close to finding the right house, the right family. Every one of my steps is now slower and more hesitant. But I stay my course. My feet enter shadow and I leave the area that is under the false orange warmth. At this rate I won’t make it to the next light before he catches up to me. A faint smile appears. Isn’t this what I wanted? I’m scared or nervous, not sure. I push my hands deep into my pockets. My eyes don’t leave the drivers head. Hoping he would look up. Hoping he would stop. Four houses down. My legs don’t want to move anymore. I stand there, a dark figure in a shadow, strong and weak. Three houses. I look up at the cloud filled sky; tiny insignificant droplets touch my face. Two houses. His headlights are now completely engulfing me. I can no longer see into the vehicle. One house. I can feel the vibrations on the ground and the warmth of the headlights. My eyes are closed, but I see a red glow. There is a warm immensely heavy pressure on my chest. My face smashes into the grill. But instead the driver pulled into a driveway before reaching me. I turn around and begin walking. It will be different this time.
ahh!